02 March 2010


Sharyn is up next on our blogging challenge and is suggesting we share an insight into our neighbours. I'm sort of neighboured out with doing "The Street Where You Live" so I'm going to share with you a really funny story from my youth. Be warned this is a tad risque so if you offend easily look away now.

One of the places I lived when I was young, carefree and single was in an apartment (we call them units in Australia) in the downtown retail area of a large country town. It was one of five on the third floor of a corner block, with shops on the ground and gym on the next level and us at the very top. My apartment was the middle one of three on the street side. My neighbour on the right was a girl, similar in age to me and we got along really well. On the left was a single guy - he was a policeman and kept really odd hours and then in his off time he liked to party (and party hard) so I didn't see much of him but usually could tell when he was home or not by noises from his apartment.

Unfortunately our respective bedrooms shared a common wall and this particular Friday evening he must have gotten lucky because in a matter of minutes after he came home there were all manner of groans and bed spring squeaks, grunting and moaning coming through the wall which escalated in both intensity and frequency until after a series of omg omg omg and mad thumping all was quiet ...... but not for long. By the wee small hours I'd stuffed cotton wool in my ears, covered my head with both of my pillows, had three cups of coffee, turned up my bedside radio and seriously thought about waking up Leonie next door and crashing on her lounge.

On Saturday night I went out and came home late and it was with some trepidation I put myself to bed. Andrew must have been out as well as not long after I was in bed I heard him (them) come in and soon the groaning, moaning, headboard banging against my common wall commenced and went on and on and on and on. At this point I was somewhat envious of his staying power and wondering if he might have been taking something to aid his performance. I'd already worked out that all the things I tried to deaden the noise the night before were useless and that me banging on the wall in the hope they would stop was both futile and probably only adding to the din so I lay there, counting the bangs on the wall and dozing in and out of sleep between intervals.

The next morning, bleary eyed and feeling a tad out of sorts, I ran into Andrew in the corridor. If I looked bad, he looked worse - dark circles under his eyes, eyes bloodshot and grainy. Not his normal buff and preened self. After my initial greeting of "Hi, how are you" he tells me with an open and loud yawn that he was "feeling like cr*p". Well at this point I see red and I tell him it's no flipping wonder he's feeling cr*p because a pair of rabbits would do it less often and a pair of elephants would make less noise.

He goes white then all shades of red. He smiles apologetically at me and says that his brother and his girlfriend arrived to stay for the weekend on Friday and that he's given them his bedroom and he was sleeping on the lounge. He says to me that if I thought it was bad when living next door I should hear what it was like from inside.

It was pretty funny at the time.

No comments: